It has been 63 days since I was sleeping in a small tent on warm African soil praying that I would never have to leave. Today I am sitting on my bed padded with memory foam instead of a sleeping bag and a box of take out food next to me, instead of a bowl of rice.
I’m just as exhausted as I was during my month in Africa but not the same kind of fatigue. This exhaustion is different. I would wear myself out physically, spiritually, and emotionally everyday and all for the Lord. He would fill me up again so I could pour myself out and then do it all over again the next day with just as much joy. This is what a true Christian walk should look like; fully committed to God and serving Him with everything we have. But now I wear myself out trying to be involved in every college club, keeping up with homework, making friends, and doing it all with a smile on my face. Why is this so much harder for me to do? It’s for the same God and I’m the same girl, but I’ve been trying to do it by myself here in America instead of relying on my Father who gives me strength, rest, and joy.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
John 14:1 Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me
Did you catch that? God created the heavens and the earth, animals, galaxies, nations, rulers, servants, his son Jesus, and Y-O-U. You’re loved and God will provide and take care of you. We need to believe that God can provide for us and He will. We are here to glorify Him not to worry or be weighed down with fatigue. Regardless of circumstances, locations, or ability, God does not leave us or change. He is constant.
Here is a post that I wrote a week after I got back from my missions trip I hope it encourages you:
When I left for my trip to Malawi all I knew was that I wanted to go to Africa for a month and do what I could to serve God and his people. Simple as that right? But now that I’ve seen The Lord in such a real way, I’ve had my heart wreaked for him and his people there. My wants aren’t the same. I don’t want to go places in my car or go buy things for my college dorm room. I don’t want American food or a hot shower (well maybe a little bit). I don’t want my day to revolve around my needs or future. I want to dance on trash while being tugged on by small dirty hands. I want to see joy on a hurting persons face after we pray with them. I want to write bible verses on ripped paper for people who are desperate for Gods word but without a bible. I want to dance and worship with strangers in church who can’t speak English. I want to go from walking on the street with a bible one moment to teaching 30 precious children about their eternal Father and creator the next. I want to fall asleep in my tent dirty and exhausted from being Gods hands and feet. I want to pour out my heart in a stranger’s home and walk away knowing God showed up. I want to see Gods faithfulness on faces that have nothing. I want to go from drinking a coke to having a bible study when artists ask for the word of God. I want to watch a child go from shyly yelling muzungo (white person) to playing with my hair and falling asleep in my lap. I want these things because I love my God and I love serving him. I don’t know how to serve God in America like I did in Africa yet. It’s harder to see God in such a fast paced environment filled with so much wealth, but he’s still here and I serve the same God in America as I did in Africa but I’m not the same follower.